ADHD, Cancer & Midlife with Helen King
Helen King shares her transformative journey through ADHD, breast cancer, and the art of storytelling, highlighting how these experiences have shaped her understanding of mental health and personal resilience. The podcast explores the impact of misdiagnosis, the therapeutic power of narrative, and the importance of finding comfort in unexpected places.
Highlights:
Helen King's unexpected ADHD diagnosis journey and its connection to her cancer battle.
The therapeutic role of storytelling in Helen's life and her podcast, "The C-Word."
Helen's transition from journalism to podcast production and her reflections on authenticity.
Summary
In this insightful podcast episode, Helen King opens up about her journey of self-discovery, prompted by a late ADHD diagnosis that followed years of misdiagnosis and was compounded by her battle with breast cancer. Helen discusses the interplay of mental health challenges and life’s unforeseen events, offering a candid look into how menopause and cancer treatment intensified her ADHD symptoms. Her story underscores the importance of recognizing ADHD's role in mental health and the power of finding the right support system.
Helen's passion for storytelling becomes a central theme as she delves into the inspiration behind her podcast, "The C-Word," and her transition from print journalism to podcast production. Through her podcast, Helen seeks to provide authentic narratives that challenge conventional survivor tropes, offering listeners a space where they can connect with genuine stories of struggle and resilience. Her work aims to capture the complexities of life-altering journeys, fostering a community of understanding and empathy.
The episode concludes with Helen reflecting on her career evolution and the comforting impact of simple pleasures, like a weighted blanket, during challenging times. She shares her vision for creating a neurodiverse-friendly work environment, driven by her own experiences and the lessons learned from her journey. Through her candid storytelling and commitment to authenticity, Helen King inspires listeners to embrace life's challenges and find solace in the power of narrative.
Transcript
00:00 - Sarah (Host)
To support the Adulting with ADHD podcast and to access its earlier episodes, be sure to visit patreoncom slash adulting with ADHD. This is the Adulting with ADHD podcast self-empowerment for women with ADHD. Today, I'm very excited to welcome Helen King, host of the C-Word podcast. How is it going, Helen? I'm good.
00:30 - Helen (Guest)
I keep thinking I look very shiny because it is very muggy and awkward at the moment.
00:38 - Sarah (Host)
Yeah, I totally relate. It's going to get real shiny here in a minute. I'm in a closet today because my daughter is with my husband and I wanted to get away from all the noise and so I'm in a closet. So it'll be a shiny interview, that's okay. Yeah, well, I, we met through ADHD Twitter, which is one of the most fabulous places on earth in my humble opinion. Yes, yes, which is one of the most fabulous places on earth in my humble opinion. Yes, yes, and so, um, I guess I'll set. I'll set the table a little bit, and it sounds like you have a very, very fascinating story and I guess we could just jump into it, like telling us your diagnosis story and how all that came about. It's, it's very interesting yeah, sure it's.
01:25 - Helen (Guest)
In some ways, I I still feel like it's quite random, because it hadn't even occurred to me that I might have ADHD until maybe three or four months ago. So basically, what happened? A very good friend of mine was diagnosed with it and when she came over and she said, oh, I've been diagnosed with ADHD, and I thought, yeah, right.
01:51
Yeah, that makes sense. That does make sense. And then I naturally had to look it up because I was fascinated. All I really knew was what I now know are the stereotypes that you know the hyperactive young boy and so I was just really intrigued of, okay, well, what is it about? And you know, when you start reading things and you think right, it starts tracking.
02:17 - Sarah (Host)
You're like, okay, that tracks, okay, very strange.
02:21 - Helen (Guest)
And then I I can't even think what happened in between that and then another chance meeting of a person who was also diagnosed as an adult, and we were talking about it and you know when she was sharing her experience and I'd sit there and go oh yeah, I do that too. You know when you sort of block eyes and you go, are you?
02:48
yes yes, totally yeah yeah, it was really strange. And then because in New Zealand it's near impossible to go and get a diagnosis through our public health system as an adult, and so I'm lucky that I have health insurance, and so I was able to find a psychiatrist who visualized an adult ADHD and took insurance and just happened to have a an appointment the next week, which, oh my goodness yeah, I usually feel like I'll wait for six months, but this yeah, that's what I hear.
03:27 - Sarah (Host)
Yeah, that's incredible.
03:30 - Helen (Guest)
It's so strange, and so I went. I had this and I'd been reading everything I could between you know that happening and the appointment. So we just sat and I told her about my childhood and about being a teenager and about what life has been like as an adult and the other things that I'd been diagnosed with. Yeah, left with a script for Ritalin.
03:55 - Sarah (Host)
Wow, yeah, and you had mentioned to me that the menopause and the stress you were experiencing at the time because you had cancer that you were battling you said it was. It was like your symptoms are exasperated and that's kind of what kind of got you on the path. Do you want to talk a little bit about that?
04:18 - Helen (Guest)
Well, I guess in hindsight, so when I turned sort of around must have been around 36, no 35 I, um my marriage ended and that was kind of like this catalyst for this almost four year period where I'd get to the end of the year and I think, oh, that was really hard, maybe next year will be better. And it never was. And so I had these years of very stressful things happening and not really understanding why, all of a sudden, things were getting increasingly harder. And then I got cancer. So I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2018. And because I was 37 at the time, you know I had fertility treatment to preserve my fertility and then I was put straight into menopause, and not just, like you know most people will go through, um, you know, perimenopause to lead you know, to almost, like you know, my eyes are bugging out of my head right now um for those for those listening.
05:22 - Sarah (Host)
I mean that would. That would be an incredible shock to the system anyone who has had fertility treatment.
05:29 - Helen (Guest)
I just you know I have an amazing amount of respect for people who do it more than once, because when you're pumped full of that much hormone, it's just not a good time, and so I went from that into menopause and having no estrogen oh my, oh, my land oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, wow.
05:50
Cancer is a hard time anyway. But on top of that, having menopause and I've just found, like the the years afterwards it's been two years now since my diagnosis and I mean it is hard. It is hard having cancer and going through. You know I had very aggressive treatment and it's been a very challenging road to to recovery, but I couldn't figure out why it was so challenging. Like my anxiety was worse. I mean.
06:21
I almost feel like the background of my house at the moment is, you know, a perfect example of someone with executive dysfunction issues, because there's just stuff everywhere.
06:32 - Sarah (Host)
I mean you should see the pile of hangers I'm looking down at and all the clothes that I pushed to the side. I had an interview I think it was yesterday and it was like it looked all clean in the background, but if you just turned around the camera it was just like mountains of crap. You know, it's like I feel like a fraud. I should just stand in front of my crap and be authentic, you know.
06:55 - Helen (Guest)
So cheers to you for being authentic yeah, so this is my life, this is my house and, um, yeah, so COVID, for in New Zealand in March, we, we went into lockdown and that really, oh the yeah that brought it out even more and so I guess yeah in retrospect I now know why because stress is not our friend.
07:20
It's not the friend of someone with adhd. And and I guess, going back to the menopausal side of things, if I think about you know, having my period, that I've always been someone who is, who just has a really bad PMS like PMS is not a fun time you know depression and all of that stuff. And now I understand it and sort of knowing that you know for women or people who you know um, have estrogen and adhd, yeah it really impacts and makes things harder.
07:56
So, yeah, it's, it's really. It was just these kind of strange turn of events that led me to this point, because I just felt I just felt this sense, almost like an intuition or something, that something wasn't right. Yeah, yep, I just I just thought it's not. I know I've been through a lot and I know that there's been a lot of loss and there's been a lot of, um, you know, enormously life-altering events, but I just felt like why can't I get my stuff together?
08:33 - Sarah (Host)
Why can't.
08:34 - Helen (Guest)
I keep a clean house.
08:36 - Sarah (Host)
Absolutely, and I'm sure it was very confusing to have all these major life events overlapping and I mean I could imagine you probably thinking or people telling you oh, it's because your life's going through changes, and I mean it would be so easy to miss. And I do hear a lot I was talking to an ADHD coach a few days ago Very, very common for women to be diagnosed in menopause Like they're able to just like scrape by their whole lives and they're barely making it and they have no idea they have it. And then when that estrogen plummets all of a sudden it's like some of them think they have alzheimer's, early onset, alzheimer's, you know, oh yeah oh, the memory, the memory the memory.
09:26 - Helen (Guest)
yeah, yes, and I guess another thing that I heard you in the past few months of being medicated and those sorts of things and I think I mentioned to you, was that I thought that I'd suffered from anxiety from a child.
09:42 - Sarah (Host)
Me too yeah.
09:44 - Helen (Guest)
Yeah, and I took my first dose of Ritalin and the next morning my anxiety had gone, you know. And I think all those years of you know trying to do mindfulness and meditation and deep breathing and what the hell's wrong with me.
10:02 - Sarah (Host)
I can't relax and the whole world telling you to relax and holy shit, I mean I feel the same way, like it's like the story we told, or at least for me, the story I told myself.
10:12
My whole life was I was born with anxiety and depression. That was my biochemistry, that's how it's always going to be, and I had accepted it at a very young age and just lived with it and I it's just kind of like part of your identity and so all of a sudden, having that wool lifted, it's like you have executive function problems and working memory issues and, of course, you're anxious and depressed, right yeah, these days I've found myself needing quicker access to therapy from the safety and comfort of my home. This is why I started using better help for my immediate therapy needs. They will assess your situation and match you up with a licensed professional therapist, one who you'll likely start communicating with in 24 hours or less. It's more affordable than traditional therapy and financial aid is available. You can do it through text or chat if you don't like phone calls or video appointments. To get started and to save 10%, go to betterhelpcom. Slash ADHD adulting.
11:12 - Helen (Guest)
I think as well, because a lot of my story has been around being stigmatized because I was diagnosed with other things or not fitting in, and and I think of all of course we're depressed and anxious if we're if our whole lives. We're told what's wrong with you and it's not fitting.
11:32 - Sarah (Host)
And you know it maybe well, especially more recently, like you knew, you had that intuition and that intuition is so important. I've heard that so many times from people like they know something's off. They go to the doctor. The doctor insists everything's as it should be, but you're like I just know.
11:50 - Helen (Guest)
I have a success.
11:51 - Sarah (Host)
Listen to that voice, guys, because even if you're wrong, wouldn't you rather, you know, look into that, you know. So I want to hear about this um podcast of yours, the c word and um, it's funny because you know, my podcast is taking a women's health direction lately and so so I have a feeling when people see C word, they're going to think of a different C word, but we're actually talking about a different C word. I would love to hear about your podcast and how it came about and all that.
12:24 - Helen (Guest)
Yeah, so I'm a journalist by trade, but I haven't sort of worked as a journalist properly in a few years. I started in radio, so audio and telling people's stories has always been you know my love. And during lockdown, you know we had a flour shortage because people were making bread and those sorts of things and, um, I can't make bread, so right, neither can I. It's not my forte and I just I needed with it. I guess this was a good example of ADHD.
13:02
I needed something to do yeah because otherwise I was just locked to the tv watching, you know, the pandemic unfold. One of the things I found when I had cancer was that I couldn't find examples of people telling stories that I related to and about some of the challenges that you have, and I think, because people like to try and sort of put this you know the warrior or you're you're, so you, you know, and I guess I found that oh yes, the survivor thing, the yeah, yeah and.
13:37
I and I sort of thought I want to create something where people can really relate, that people can connect and understand that. Um, you know, other people struggle. They struggle when they go through cancer and how do they get through it, and you know that you don't have to be positive all the time, and so basically, yeah, that's how it sort of came about, and so the idea formed during lockdown and then I just started looking into, well, how can I make this happen?
14:05
One of my true ADHD traits has been able to hone in on an idea and just you know run with it yeah, yeah, and so it started in July and, um, yeah, I just, I love being able to tell people's stories or for to, you know, create a space where they can be authentic about. This is what happened and, yeah, it was really hard, but this is what I did to to get through, and it doesn't have to be sanitized or nicely packaged. It can show the mess.
14:39 - Sarah (Host)
Yes, and I hear that so much among the ADHD community as well, that there is this hunger for content that's really authentic and not just like, hey, we got it all figured out and we're going to tell you how we figured it out. And I'm not saying you know that's not my observation, but that's what I hear that, um, you know a lot of people are like, but you know, I'm still in that, that that part, the before. You know like I'm still. I haven't crossed over to the, to the success story yet I'm I'm in the before phase where I'm still trying to figure all this out and it's, you know, scary and you know so. I'm sure it's very reassuring hearing patient stories that aren't, you know, so warrior-esque maybe. Yeah, my, my father's a cancer survivor as well. I really appreciate the positivity part I do, and he's huge on positivity. But, um, I do think it's one of those yes and things right like, yeah, yeah, there's negative too and it is, and I think that we're we.
15:45 - Helen (Guest)
We're allowed to hold both. You're allowed to be really angry that you have cancer or your father had cancer, you know, that's okay. And I, yeah, I think that I don't know what the States is like, but we, you know New Zealand, we were colonized by the British, so we've got that sort of stiff upper lip and you know.
16:05 - Sarah (Host)
Oh, my family does. I don't. I don't know if that's an American thing, but it's definitely in my family. You know, suck it up, walk it off. You know it's fine. You know with we can be upset about this and, you know, hopeful for the future. But come on, now we get to be mad, we get to be scared, and I mean, depending on who you kept company with, I had a few people trying to force positivity on me and I was not in the mood for that.
16:45 - Helen (Guest)
I don't know about you, but yeah, like there's a time and a place, but come on yeah, and I think because I mean, I think this is kind of the gift that cancer has given me is that I just have no time for the bullshit anymore. And so when I found out that I had ADHD, you know it was everything falls into place and you think, oh my God, that's why I'm like this. The things for me has always been around work, because I don't fit in. You know, I'm odd, I'm, I'm really blunt, yeah, I am emotional and all of those things.
17:27
And I was um recently, I was sat at the traffic lights and I thought to my. It just came into my head and I thought, if my cancer comes back in 10 years time, you know, touch what it doesn't. Do I want to still be doing the same thing I've always done and trying to fit in to these places where I'm miserable? Or do I want to see if I can set up a work environment that is, you know, you know, neurodiverse, friendly, and I almost feel like the pandemic is. This is kind of what it's saying to us is, you know, are you living in the way that serves you best? If you're not, you know, life is so fragile and can change so quickly. You know, just make the changes that you've been thinking of that's been my experience as well.
18:17 - Sarah (Host)
Yeah, I've been hearing that a I've been hearing a lot of stories like that, and that's exact. I had actually shut down my podcast and brought it back to life during lockdown, both during lockdown, like I shut it down and I was like, no, I want this Brought it back you know, but it's been a weird, weird time of mixed feelings and emotions and whatnot. So how are you doing these days? You know, how are you coping day to day and how are you feeling and all that.
18:51 - Helen (Guest)
It's a funny one. So, cancer wise, I reached my two years in July, so I have a mammogram. Congratulations, thank you. In July, so I have a mammogram, yeah, congratulations, thank you. It is a. I mean it's a funny one because there is always that fear of it coming back and that sort of thing. So that does sort of walk with you. But I feel like, because recently I did and I'll this, I guess, is my ADHD. I'm going to give you a story as an example yes, yes, please, you're a storyteller.
19:20
Tell a story. I took this contract recently. The work I had been doing finished up. The contract finished up and I got another one and it was what I've always done where I've got, I've got to have a job and this one looks good and it's good money, so'll do it. And I just, for so many reasons, it wasn't right and I was having meltdowns a lot, you know just that emotional overload and the sensory overload, and you know, being back in a space where I didn't fit in and all of those things, and I just I just thought no, no, no more. I am not doing this to myself anymore and I think, now that I know who I am and I know what my brain is and what it does, I just will not subject myself to that anymore of, you know, feeling like that kid that just couldn't fit in because they were a little bit weird and said quite random things.
20:25 - Sarah (Host)
I love that it's. It's such a huge act of self-love, just enough yeah, just say no.
20:32 - Helen (Guest)
No, neurotypicals, you will not put me in a box yeah, so what'd you do I? Quit.
20:41 - Sarah (Host)
I love it. I love it.
20:44 - Helen (Guest)
That's so awesome yeah and I know I'm really lucky that. I'm at a position where I can do that, because my partner was, I think he was like I'm not putting up with three more months of these absolutely.
20:58 - Sarah (Host)
It was like a win-win right, like easy to get support on that, yeah same. I've had similar things. I'm gonna go out on my own and do this. I know I can do it. Please, you don't want to be around me if I don't try. You know you don't want to be around me if I stick around at this place much longer. It's a shame it has to be that way that we have to actually like leave.
21:21
You know, but it's what it is, I guess yeah, absolutely oh yeah, well, I love that and I'm sure it felt amazing to just do that. I mean, that's a pretty brave thing to do is just leave. I mean, then what? What did you do after that?
21:40 - Helen (Guest)
well this? This has actually only been in the past few days where I just said, no, this isn't happening oh, this just happened.
21:48 - Sarah (Host)
Yeah, nice, wow, so this is fresh.
21:51 - Helen (Guest)
Yeah, this is very fresh and it's scary, because you know the structure of work is good for me. Um, so what I'm doing at the moment is I love podcasting and I love creating, and so I've set up yeah, I'm setting up my own podcasting service and awesome, yeah, I've got some potential sort of work um lined up with it in the new year. Yeah, I'm just gonna see where that takes me.
22:20 - Sarah (Host)
That is amazing. Are you open for services now to others, or where can people find you if they need services, and by people I mean me? You got a website or something. Yeah, I do. I've called myself.
22:36 - Helen (Guest)
I don't know why I'm fighting this so funny, but I've called it HK Productions. And I can send you a link, but I yeah, you know, I'm a radio journalist by, by training, and so the audio stuff, all of that stuff to me is I love doing it, I love all the um production things. Yeah.
22:57 - Sarah (Host)
Yeah, I was a print journalist for a very long time that was my first career and then I went into digital marketing after the newspapers died, but yeah, so I'm all about the idea development but and I like the production on a surface level, but like I'm a kid all day and I'm just like there's no production happening here for a very long time. So I'm always looking for talent, just to know you know. Yeah, and for our listeners who don't need podcast help but just want to keep up with you in general, where can we find you on the interwebs?
23:39 - Helen (Guest)
So I have seen a little. Oh, my mind's gone blank. I've set up a website.
23:45 - Sarah (Host)
I did the same thing the other day.
23:48 - Helen (Guest)
I was going to say an internet page thing. What are they called A website?
23:55 - Sarah (Host)
So I've got.
23:57 - Helen (Guest)
It's called the C-Word Radio. I'm quite active on Facebook, um, so people look at the c-word Kiwis talk about cancer and yeah, I just sort of update things there, um, just blog posts and and episodes and and those sorts of things. And yeah, if anyone you know has a story they want to share, I, you know, I'd love to to hear from people about their experiences with cancer absolutely all right.
24:26 - Sarah (Host)
Well, helen, thank you so much for being here, and I hope you get some cooler air soon. I am about to step out of my closet, literally, and cool off thank you for having me, yeah it was wonderful to meet you.
24:40
Take care. Thank you, bye-bye. I've always wondered if weighted blankets could help me with anxiety During the pandemic. It was the perfect opportunity to find out. Ever since the first night I have slept with my weighted blanket, I have had very relaxing sleep, don't deal with insomnia nearly as often and at a point where I don't want to sleep without it. It is that awesome.
25:13
To find out which blanket I use. It's just so comfortable and so beautiful. Go to adultingwithadhdcom slash mosaic and you'll see my favorite one, and there's many, many others to choose from.
